Blind Trust Read online

  A year later, I’d taken my first life. Throughout my life, I’d often think back on those days, the things I’d learn and the way I’d felt about them, remembering my aunt saying to me, revert that thought, revert that feeling into pride, into overcoming your obstacle. If you’re going to feel anything, Valerie, feel strong, feel powerful, feel virtuous.

  Feeling virtuous, for me, at this moment in my life was like trying not to feel, not to feel hurt, not to feel stuck in neutral, not to feel this pain that was so deep within me it was unreachable, as if a glimpse of peace was unobtainable. I was feeling everything.

  I dressed unlike the Val the university was used to seeing and headed out. I didn’t know where I was headed, but I didn’t feel like looking like the girl who didn’t care about her appearance, like I let on. I, at least, wanted to feel good on the outside, since I felt like shit on the inside.

  I left intending to look for Kyle, but as I dressed, my momentum had fallen and I no longer felt up to being “Stalker Val.” I guess I just felt like walking. There were a number of things I could do on a Wednesday night. A lounge sounded pretty good, but being drunk two nights in a row would be immoral. A girl’s night was a second option, but I felt like being alone.

  “Hey.” I looked over my shoulder at the stranger staring me down. “You live around here?” he asked.

  Well obviously, you just saw me walk out of my apartment door. “No,” I replied.

  “I’ve never seen you around. Are you headed somewhere? Can I go with you?”

  The voice started sounding a little familiar after his second sentence, but I couldn’t recall it. “No, I’m okay. I’m not interested in company. Sorry, I’d prefer to walk alone.”

  His heavy footsteps slapped the sidewalk as he came near me. “No one should have to be alone. Especially when they have as sad a face as yours.”

  I looked to my left at the stranger who refused to take no for an answer. He was extremely tall with dark hair, a nose piercing, and I’m pretty sure when he licked his lips I saw a tongue ring. I smiled sweetly. “I’m headed to a friend’s house.” I was hoping that mentioning I was visiting a friend would make him leave me the hell alone.

  “Me too. I could walk you there. It’s a little late.”

  I took a quick glance at my watch. Eight seventeen. I looked up at him.

  He smiled a smiley smile… eyes and chin smiling with his mouth. He looked like a really nice guy and those are the ones you have to be worried about.

  I walked another block and he stayed by me the entire way, walking in a dreadful silence.

  “Um, I’m sorry but this is very uncomfortable and awkward. If you don’t mind I’d prefer it if you did not walk with me.” I’d debated saying it for the last three buildings. I just needed to come out and be completely honest with this weirdo.

  “Oh, well, I just thought we cou—”

  I stopped walking and so did he. “No, we won’t be doing anything. I don’t know you and there is no way I’d ev—” A fist came flying at my face, cutting into my words.

  I blocked it. But in blocking it I missed his hand wrapping around my neck.

  “Stop! Get away fr—”

  “Shut up, bitch!” His fist said, slamming into my head.

  “Juniper.” I pulled Anna from the kitchen after we ate dinner. The sun had been down for two hours and she still had on sunglasses. “I don’t want to know any grave detail because it won’t do anything but piss me off.” I pulled her into my old room. It was soundproof. I knew Anna wouldn’t tell me anything if she thought Mom could hear. “Tell me who did it.”

  She looked behind her at the mirror on the back of the door. “Damn, I thought I was hiding it.”

  I sighed, throwing my head back. “What the fuck are you into?”

  “Nothing. Wrong place, wrong guy. I’m out now. See? I’m home. I just need some cash and I’m out of your hair. No pressure.”

  “It is pressure, on all of us. What happened? Was the guy whooping your ass? What do you mean out now?” I had a million questions I knew she wasn’t going to answer. Anna was too damn independent. At least when it suited her. She wouldn’t tell me anything. Not even if I beat it out of her. “Whatever, Anna. At least tell me who did it?”

  “No. When is the last time you saw Nixon? I miss him and I’m ready for him to come home.”

  “I saw him a couple weeks ago. If I could get him out today, would you stay home?”

  She studied me. She pursed her lips and pulled off her shades.

  I rolled my eyes, looking away from her. Her right eye looked like she took a hit from a boxer and was knocked out cold. Her skin was so light, the bruise looked worse than it would have if she weren’t so damn pale. “God, Juniper. What the fuck happened to your face?” I reached for her face and she smacked my hand away.

  She ignored my question, saying, “If you could get Nixon out, I still wouldn’t stay. I can’t be here with her and you, and always remembering what she did.”

  “That wasn’t her fault and you should not blame her for that.” I cut her off. She always wanted to try and blame Mom for killing our father when that shit wasn’t her fault.

  “You’re so stupid, Kyle. How can you not think that was her fault? She put the goddamn gun to his head and pulled the goddamn trigger, then made Nixon take the goddamn blame for it.”

  Annoyed, I threw my head back, rubbing my neck. “Shut up, Anna. You don’t know what happened.”

  She shoved me. “Don’t tell me to shut up. I was there, Nip. I saw it. You weren’t there,” she stated angrily. I avoided these talks because she always got worked up. She was a daddy’s girl; she loved Dad so much. Hell, I did too, but I understood the circumstances Mom was under.

  “Juniper, she didn’t have a choice. In the life they played in… she had no choices. Because of the dumb decisions Dad chose to make, his name came up. It was either she took out him or her agency took out all of us. She had to do it.” Mom was pissed about me taking names because she used to do it. It was her profession with the CIA. Dad was into some things she didn’t know about—the kingpin, gangster, black market business. His name came up because he was too successful. Mom got the call.

  Before the hit, she got jumped; they wanted to make sure she was going to be able to do her job because they knew my dad was her husband. It was how she got those scars she punished me with. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why she did it in front of Anna, but she did. Everything was fucked up. Neighbors heard the shot and Anna’s scream. The police showed up. The Feds wouldn’t take the case off Mom and ended up pinning it on Nixon, saying he killed our father. The only people that could testify were Mom and Anna, and of course him. Nixon and Mom went with it while Anna denied the story. I wasn’t at home; I was off in the army, working and training. Imagine how shocked I was when I heard my adopted brother got locked up for killing my dad.

  “Shut up, Nip. You’ll always take up for her.”

  I looked Anna over, starting at her ragged flip-flops, old shorts, and wretched tank top. Her hair was matted, her lips were pale and crusty, and her eyes were a red and glossy. “God, Anna. You stink. And your hair reeks too.” I wrinkled my nose, not bothering to hide my disgust. “I can’t believe I am related to a bum. A straight up, out of the gutter, live on the streets, bum. What happens to all the money I give you?”

  “Duh.” She pushed her sunglasses back on her eyes. “I spend it.”

  “On what?” I asked bemused.

  “Coke, hotel rooms, alcohol, helping friends. You know, the regular stuff people blow thousands of dollars on.”

  I wanted to haul off and slap her. Just come at her with an open palm right across her left cheek. But… I rubbed my hands together, took the deepest breath I could to help calm me down, and I let it go. I didn’t want to run her off. If she was back, I wanted to do whatever I could to keep her here. So, I smiled and stepped to her for another hug. “I’m glad to see you, Juniper. I missed you. You wanna come t
o my house or are you sleeping over here?”

  “I’m not staying, I just came back to get some money and I’m out.”

  “So, you wanna come to my house or are you staying over here?” I repeated, because leaving wasn’t an option I was giving her.

  She crossed her arms in front of her chest and threw her hips to the right, putting all her weight on that foot. “I’ll go with you,” she muttered.

  “Good. Let’s kiss and hug our mother goodbye so I can get out of here before she finds something else to yell about.”

  “Kyle!” Mom shouted.

  I shook my head. “Looks like she’s already found something.” I opened the door to my room. “Yes, Mom.”

  “Come in here and get this phone, it’s moving all around the table. And Janet just walked through the door.”

  “Yay!” Anna exclaimed, shoving me from the door so she could get out of the room.

  When I made it to the kitchen, Janet and Anna were still hugging.

  “Aw! I’m so happy to see you! You look horrible but it’s so good to see you,” Janet told Anna.

  “Mom, we’re getting ready to get out of here. I’ll come check on you later.” I bent down to kiss her cheek. “Call me if you need me.”

  “But Kyle, I just got here,” Janet informed me. She must’ve thought I didn’t hear Mom tell me she just walked through the door.

  I ignored her. Her day and a half was not up yet.

  “Kyle, remember what I said.”

  “I got you, Mom. Come on, Juniper, let’s go.”

  Janet walked over to me as I was leaning in the doorway of the kitchen. When she got directly in front of me, her back arched inward and her small chest pushed out slightly. “What, Arch?” I enunciated, so she could pay attention to her posture.

  She immediately straightened. “Stop calling me that.”

  I used to call her Norks, but she didn’t like that either. “If I may say so, Arch sounds a lot better than Norks. At least I’ve drawn my attention away from your, uh…” I reached up to pinch her boob and she smacked my hand away. I laughed. “…Other features. Go with Arch, it fits you.”

  “He makes up a nickname for everyone,” Mom said, walking out of the kitchen. “Janet, are you staying the night over here?”

  “Yes,” I answered for her.

  “What?” she whispered. “No, I am not.”

  “Oh, so you’re going to blow my mom off two nights in a row? Wait. Why am I even talking to you?” I thrust my hand toward her face, turning my head away from her.

  She smacked my hand away. “You’re such a girl, Kyle. I told you my friend needed me. She’s having a really tough time.” She pulled out her phone. “Look, here she is texting me right now.” Her face flashed three different expressions as she read that text. “Oh, my God!” She was shocked. “She said she’s hurt.” She was sad. “Some asshole tried to rape her outside!” And she was pissed. “Come on, in case he’s still around.”

  She pulled me and my arm with her out the door. “Arch, I’m sure she has enough sense to run away and not stay around the guy who tried to hurt her. She has to be safe if she’s texting you to tell you about it.” I dragged behind her.

  Anna got in the back seat of Janet’s car and Janet peeled out of Mom’s neighborhood.

  “Kyle, you act like it’s an issue you helping someone.”

  “I love helping people, Juniper. It’s never an issue. But this friend Arch is claiming she has… can’t be her friend. They don’t even know each other. I say that because no girl would befriend Janet.”

  Janet’s open palm smacked me in my face.

  I laughed. She hit like a girl. I went to speak but cut myself off by laughing harder.

  Anna joined me. But Janet was fuming.

  “Okay, okay, Arch. Take me to your friend. I’ll help kick the guy’s ass who tried to rape her.”

  “Thank you,” she said, slamming her hand against the steering wheel.

  I reached over and grabbed her thigh. Her face was still twisted up in anger. So I just had to make her feel better. “Then after, if you want…” My hand crept up her thigh and it started shaking under my touch. “I’ll drag you to my spot. And get you—”

  She sighed, “Oh Kyle, pl—”

  I slapped my hand down on her thigh.

  “Ah!” she screamed.

  “You do not beg for dick,” I told her, earning another smack to my face, and they kept flying at me. She even pulled over and started punching. “Arch! Stop it! Sorry! I wasn’t serious.” I blocked what I could of her attacks.

  “You asshole!” she hollered, punching my shoulder. She finally stopped and started driving again.

  “God, Arch!” I straightened in the seat. “Save it for the guy who just assaulted your friend.”

  “You are such an asshole, Kyle!”

  Anna was in the backseat dying from laughing so hard. I wished she would stop… all that shaking and open-mouthed laughing had the car stinking.

  Janet pulled up in front of an apartment building I wasn’t familiar with. We got out and headed in. This friend stayed on the third floor.

  “Right here. Don’t scare her off. After I make sure she is okay and she can describe the guy to you, go kick his ass.”

  “Got it, sir.” I saluted Janet as she slid open the metal door.

  “Val—it’s me and I brought some friends so we can get the guy who did this to you. Are you dressed?”

  “Ugh! Janet, why did you bring people?” a woman whined. “As if this day couldn’t get any worse.” A leggy, jet-black haired, slightly curvy, soft hazel-eyed woman walked down the hall in our direction. Her eyes met mine and she yelled, “Aw, shit! Scratch that. What I thought was this day getting worse just got worser.”

  Worser?

  She looked very familiar. But the girl I thought she looked like didn’t dress like this. Aside from her hair being a tangled mess, and a rip in this dress that was amazing on her, she was a… jaw dropper.

  “Val, don’t be mad. We’re just here to help,” Janet told her.

  “Val?” I questioned and the girl’s eyes shot back to me. That name was too familiar. I studied her longer. She crossed her arms and huffed in annoyance. “I got it! Valerie Harper,” I said with a point. “You look nice, Miss Harper.” She looked damned good, totally different from the baggy clothes wearing girl from my chemistry class.

  “I bet you’re going to work up a good nickname for her,” Anna said.

  “Hush,” I threw at her. “I’m actually not interested in naming this one.” I’d tried to be a gentleman to her and she was a bitch. She blew me off like I was the last person on Earth she wanted to be bothered with. “I just knew I recognized her.”

  “Naming this one?” she questioned offensively. She charged down the hallway, coming at me with her anger in her pointed finger. “Today is not the day to get on my bad list—” she stopped herself. I stared down at her, then at her finger pressed firmly against my chest, then back to her angry eyes, all while waiting on her to finish her tirade.

  “Sorry you’re having a bad day,” I said wholesomely. “I just came by so you can describe to me the guy who assaulted you, so I can go kick his ass. I didn’t walk through your door to mess up your already fucked-up day any further. Excuse me once again for giving a fuck.” I brushed her finger from my chest.

  “How do you know her?” Janet asked.

  I reluctantly tore my eyes away from Val, turning my attention to Janet. “You remember that girl I was telling you about who had a stuck-up attitude when I returned her book to her? The one I saw at the market?” I pointed at Val. “Spirit, here, is her.”

  “See!” Anna exclaimed. “He did it. He named you! I like it, Kyle. ‘Cause she’s all hot and feisty right?” She high-fived me. “Good pick.”

  “Thanks, sis. I got that one quick.”

  “No!” Spirit yelled, charging back down the hall. “I don’t need his help. I can handle it myself. Thanks anyway, Janet.”<
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  This woman and her stubbornness irritated the hell out of me. And her legs irritated me more so because I couldn’t stop looking at them. They looked amazing in that pink dress. I bit down on my lip, staring at them, imagining running my hand over one as it brushed by my neck or rested on my shoulder. She looked hot. The anger in her eyes and pinched lips as she furiously glowered at me was even hotter. And when she stomped off, her ass had a slight bounce that was fucking riveting. I wanted to grab it, maybe sink my teeth into it, and hear her croon and moan for me to stop though she wouldn’t mean it.

  Janet chased after Spirit.

  I breathed, brushing my hand over my head to calm myself down. “Arch, we’re just going to walk home. Catch you later,” I called but she didn’t respond. “Come on, let me get you home so I can introduce you to a shower. And some different clothes. Tomorrow I’ll take you shopping,” I told Anna, sliding the loft’s door closed.

  “Is the walk going to be long?” She scratched her arms. “And… I… um, am going to need a phone, right now.”

  “Why?”

  “I need to make a call,” she said as we walked back down the stairs.

  “To who?”

  “Who the hell do you think, Kyle?” she hissed angrily.

  I looked away, unable to take the sight of her. My sister was a crackhead. A flashback of Nixon’s mom and dad sparked my need to do something to help her. I knew nothing about getting someone clean, but I wasn’t going to let my sister live like this. I refused to let my sister be an addict.

  “Oh my God, Janet!” I shouted. “Why would you bring him here?”

  “Val, I’m sorry. I thought we could use his help. Had I known that you two were sworn enemies and you barely know each other, I wouldn’t have.”

  Eyeing Janet, I thought back on how I wasn’t supposed to know she was friends with Kyle and her previously referring to him as Lewin. I couldn’t understand why she would lie and not want me to know they were friends. Why was it such a big secret, and why was I left out of it if she and Kyle were just friends?