Burdened (A Burdened Novel) Page 5

Scott and I are cool, but not ‘stop and have a conversation about his relationship life’ type of cool. He might get the wrong idea. I was actually kind of shocked with him approaching me yesterday and telling me not to talk to his cousin.

  “Umm, Glen, I think that would give him the wrong idea if I asked him if he has a girlfriend.”

  “Tracey, please? I need to know,” she argues.

  “Okay, I’ll see what I can do.” No, I won’t, but if it will get her to shut up, I’ll tell her anything.

  Driving the speed limit, instead of my usual ‘bat out of hell’ driving, it takes us fifteen minutes to get to school. I’m not in the best of moods today. This shit is miserable. I need to get over this man. How dare he stop by my house last night to throw me off? I was having an okay day.

  Pulling in, the parking lot is packed. It seems like the whole school is out here. It’s not unusual, but classes start in eight minutes. People usually start to head in.

  “What is going on?” Glen asks, looking around at the crowds as we get out of the car.

  “Nothing, people just talking about the party.” Matthew walks up, answering Glen’s question. “You ladies going?”

  “Yeah, we’re going,” I answer, starting to grab my bag from the trunk.

  “You all want to ride with me?” He walks over, assisting me, and his hand grazes my arm and gives me the shock from hell.

  “Ouch!” I yell. “What the hell, Matt? You been rubbing your feet on a carpet or something?”

  He straightens, rubbing his hand. “No, I have hardwood floors. That’s you, and that shit hurt.”

  “Yeah, it did!” I say exuberantly, while throwing my bag over my shoulder and rubbing my arm. I still feel the pain from the shock.

  He reaches up, closing my trunk. “So do you all need a ride, Glen?”

  “No, I’m going to drive just Tracey and me,” she answers, wrapping her arm around mine. “See you in third.”

  “Why did you blow him off like that?” I ask, after we gain some distance from him.

  “He was kind of irritating me. Plus, we have things to figure out.”

  The crowds start to disperse after the ringing of the first bell. Walking to our first class, Glen talks about what she wants me to say to Scott and what she doesn’t want me to say. All I can hear is: Scott, Scott, and Scott. Nothing else.

  She ends with, “Okay?”

  “Okay, Glen,” I reply without interest.

  Classes go by—again—without my full attention. When someone isn’t speaking directly to me, I think about him. And he didn’t make it any better by stopping by last night, letting me know he feels the same—well, something like that—and letting me feel the slightest touch of those lips that I dream of kissing, giving into my craving for him to touch me and letting that touch marinate on my skin.

  “What an ass!” I blurt out loudly.

  “Is there something you would like to share with the class Miss Warren?” Mr. Robertson, my third period teacher, asks.

  “Sorry,” I say, embarrassed about my unruly outburst, everybody looking at me like I lost my mind. I slide down in my chair, looking up at the ceiling.

  Is he doing this to me on purpose? This isn’t me, dumbstruck over some guy.

  The bell rings, pulling me from my thoughts. I’m happy it did. I grab my things, ignoring whoever is trying to talk to me, which seems like everybody today. My head is starting to hurt and my confusion is making it worse.

  Glen meets me by my locker, talking about her ‘Scott Plan,’ while I put my books away. It seems so childish. I don’t get why she can’t just go up and talk to the boy.

  Just as she says his name, he walks up beside me. “Hi Tracey,” he says, calmly and uninterested. I have no idea what he’s going to say and I don’t know how I feel about him saying it in front of Glen.

  Glen pushes me over without Scott noticing. “Hi Scott,” she says softly, as if she is shy or something—which she is not! I shake my head. The things guys do to you.

  I visibly see a chill run over him as Glen speaks his name. He stares at her momentarily before he opens his mouth. “Hey.” It is simple and emotionless, but he never takes his eyes off of her. “Tracey, when you get a moment, I need to talk to you.” This feels a little awkward.

  “About what?” I ask inquiringly, sneaking a look at Glen to see what he’s staring at. She’s looking back at him, not focusing on anything in particular, but she looks normal. No boogies, no slob.

  “I’ll talk to you about that when we talk.”

  “Umm, Tracey,” Glen starts, still talking in her soft voice, “go ahead and talk to Scott. I’ll meet you at the table.”

  What? I’m shocked! “Uh…okay.” She walks away quickly.

  “What’s up with her?” Scott asks after she is out of sight. He doesn’t sound snotty, just a little irritated.

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Why do you ask so many questions?”

  “What did you want to talk about?”

  “Would you stop that?” He drops his bag on the floor, near the lockers.

  I finish putting my books away and I close my locker. “No, seriously, what’s up?” I change my expression to serious when I realize I’m looking at him anxiously.

  “Look, I know you’re into my cousin.”

  I pinch my lips to the side before asking, “What would make you say that?”

  “Because it’s the same reason that Glen is into me.”

  Intriguing! “And what would that be?”

  “Let’s just say I have a sixth sense.” He looks me in my eyes. “But understand, you and Glen do not want to get involved with us. Just as I told you yesterday not to talk to my cousin, I don’t want Glen to talk to me either,” he says, never breaking eye contact. His expression is too serious.

  “Wait,” my eyes lower, giving him a suspicious look, “do you like Glen?”

  He returns my look, but more sternly. “What did she tell you?”

  “What does that have to do with answering the question if you like her?” I am getting irritated. What is the big deal?

  He shakes—well, more so jerks. Rubbing the back of his neck, he looks around the hall. “Look, Tracey, there’s a lot you don’t understand. I don’t want either of you to get hurt. We have been friends for a long time, and although we do not talk often or share interests in things, it doesn’t mean I don’t care for you,” he pauses and continues, after rubbing his chin, “or Glen either.”

  “Does your cousin talk about me?” I ask, half paying attention to what he was just saying.

  “Don’t, Tracey.”

  “Scott, please talk to me. I don’t understand and I need to understand.” My expression must be pitiful, and I have to look as pathetic as I sound.

  “Don’t, Tracey. You’re going to make me walk away.” He looks back at me. “There is nothing to understand.”

  Bullshit. “What, do we need to go outside to talk about this?” I’m getting upset and my hands move as I talk. “This is crazy. I know I have never seen Glen act this way about any guy. It’s like she loves you and doesn’t know that she loves you. She is practically crazy over you. She—”

  He coughs—cutting me off—and immediately buckles over, clutching at his chest. His other hand holds himself up against the locker for support. His breathing is heavy and it sounds strangled.

  I bend down to look at him. “Are you okay?”

  Scott shakes his head slowly. “It feels…like I’m…having a heart attack.” The words in his sentence separate as he takes breaths between them.

  “Oh my gosh, let me go get the nurse.” I panic, quickly turning around to run in the direction of the nurse’s office. Scott grabs my arm. There is a small shock from his touch. He turns me around before I can blink. How in the hell did he grab me so fast?

  “Don’t, Tracey. I’ll be okay.”

  “What do you mean? You’re bending over, clutching your chest, talking about a heart attack. And how did you move
that fast?” I remove my arm from his grip.

  “Did you go to the hospital the other day when you were on the floor clutching your chest?”

  Huh? “How do you know about that?”

  “Don’t worry about it. Just stop talking about Glen.” He stands, his face still showing agony. “Look,” he starts, pushing his hair back that fell in his face, “this cannot happen. I would explain it to you, but I’m not going to.”

  “Maybe not today, but you will explain it to me, and that mini-episode you just had,” I threat.

  “I don’t do well with threats, Tracey.”

  “I don’t do well with secrets that are kept from me that involve me, Scott. You have a lot of nerve. You come up to me, wanting to talk, and all you can tell me is not to talk to your cousin and keep Glen away from you?” I look him square in his eyes. “Not—gonna—happen.” I’m being an ass, I know.

  He looks at me, his face hardens, and for the first time, I see the swirl of his eyes. I gasp at the sight of them, taking me off-guard. They’re as enchanting as his cousin’s, but anger lies in his. His eyes, turning dark-blue and green, are extremely intimidating. His breathing is heavy.

  I start to back away slowly.

  He realizes his eyes are doing that swirly thing, based on my reaction. “Shit!” he blurts, squeezing his eyes shut and slamming his fist against the locker. It dents. “Damn it, Tracey.” Looking back at me, his eyes are returning to their natural brown. “Sorry about that.” His voice remains calm.

  “W-what was that?” I’m shaken. I could practically feel the anger roll from his body. And those dark eyes. My hands are shaking.

  “Please, just calm down. I’m sorry about that, okay? Just wait, don’t freak out or get nervous. It’s me. I just got upset—a little. I just—” He stops talking and reaches in his pocket, pulling out his phone.

  “Yeah?” he answers quickly, inexpressive. I don’t know if I should wait or run. “Yeah.” He pauses. “Yes, I know.” Pause. “It was my fault, I know.” Pause. “Okay.” He hangs up.

  His chest rises and falls. The imprint of his chest is noticeable through his loose-fitting shirt. “This shit is going to kill me.” He looks at me. “Where are you going?” I’m slowly backing away.

  “Look, Scott. I don’t know what just happened, nor do I know what the hell is going on.” He turns his back to the locker, placing his head against it, while he listens. “But I do know I’m going to find out. I also know that I don’t think this murdering pain I feel—and clearly you feel—is worth it.” I walk closer, to keep passersby from hearing us. “Maybe if I just understood what was going on, I could resist whatever it was, maybe—for me and Glen.”

  “That’s not going to help, Tracey.”

  “Well, what would it do…hurt?” I back away. “Because it’s already doing that.”

  “Don’t, Tracey.” I turn away from him.

  “At least it’s not just hurting me,” I whisper to myself.

  Thinking of what I’m going to tell Glen, I round the corner of the hall, walking directly into Pepper. Pepper is a bitch; I hate her, and the feeling is mutual. “Tracey!” she says, with as much attitude as she could muster.

  “Pepper,” I retort as she moves around me. She’s with two other girls that I equally dislike, Shay and Diane.

  “Tracey,” they echo, also moving around me.

  I’m not wasting my time responding. There are too many other things that are taking up space in my mind right now.

  “So are you going to the party tonight, Tracey?” Pepper asks, after I have already gained a foot between us. She must have nothing else to say.

  “Why?” I ask nonchalantly, still walking.

  “Just curious.”

  “If you see me there you do. If you don’t, then you don’t.” I’m not in the mood for Pepper’s bull today.

  “Aw, Tracey in a bad mood?” she nags, sounding like a five-year-old.

  I turn around, “You know what Pep—”

  “Tracey!” Scott’s running towards me. He just saved her. Pepper should be thankful, because she needs a true punch in the face.

  Scott makes it to me and opens his mouth to speak. “Hi Scott!” Pepper cuts him off before he can. “You’re going to Andrew’s party tonight? I’m going to be there.”

  “Wow, Pepper, could you be any more obvious?” I say to embarrass her.

  “Um, yeah, okay,” Scott answers, without looking in her direction. “Look,” he says to me. “I’m sorry about what happened. I don’t want you freaking out.”

  I shake my head. “No, Scott. You better start talking.”

  “So Scott, can I bum a ride with you to the party?” Pepper is really pushing it. “I need a ride, and seeing that you’re going…” She shrugs. “Maybe I can ride with you?”

  He looks at her. “No, Pepper, my car is full.” Wait…full. I half-smile, trying to hide it when he looks at me. “Don’t, Tracey. No,” answering my unasked question.

  Would he be coming too? He has to. Why else would Scott’s car be full? Scott looks at me with intimidating eyes—after noticing me wander off—that somehow requested for me to leave it alone.

  “Okay,” I state innocently. “I won’t. I can’t anyway.” My voice sounds like it’s full of hurting emotions.

  “Come on, I’m going to walk with you to the lunchroom.”

  “Why? It’s like, around the corner and down the hall,” I ask curiously.

  Pepper is still rambling as we ignore her. “Just come on, please?” he asks kindly.

  I start walking, leading the way. Whatever. “So now, what’s up, Scott?”

  “Look, I’m sorry about spazzing out on you. That hasn’t happened to me in a long time.”

  “You’re talking about the eyes swirling, aren’t you?”

  “You noticed that?”

  “Of course.” Who wouldn’t notice. “So, it’s obvious something is going on with you, because I have never seen that happen, other than once before.”

  Taking the hint, “Really? And what colors did you see?”

  “Nope, my questions first. Tell me what’s up, Scott,” I’m calm but serious.

  “No, it’s not my place. And nothing is up, so stop thinking that.” He is really going to fight this as long as he can.

  “Okay, so tell me why you can’t pursue a relationship with Glen. She really—”

  “Don’t say it, Tracey.” He throws up his hand. “I just can’t. Why can’t you accept that I can’t, and leave it alone? When have you ever seen me date a girl in all the years you have known me?”

  “So, what are you telling me?” I take a pause. “You’re into guys?” I ask, accepting of whatever his answer is.

  “Don’t, Tracey.” He’s serious.

  “Don’t, Tracey. No, Tracey,” I mock their deep voices. “Well, tell me, what can I do?”

  “You can stay away from my cousin, and keep Glen away from me.”

  “You know I can’t do either of those.”

  He looks at me with lighter eyes. They look hurt and filled with desire. “It’s just better for you both if you did. It’s not me trying to keep us all apart because I’m being an asshole. I just know what’s good for us, and I don’t want anything to happen to either of you.”

  I do not understand. “What could possibly happen, Scott?” We’re closing the distance to the lunchroom door.

  “I can’t explain. It’s not my place.”

  “Well, I don’t mean to be an asshole, but I’m going to be honest. I know we have been talking in some kind of code, and I didn’t tell Glen the full story about what I feel or the swirling eyes and the weirdness of you two.” I take a breath. Shaking my head, I continue, “I can’t make your cousin talk to me. I would be thrilled if he did, and I know the pain I feel when he doesn’t, but knowing that you all would prefer to go through that pain says a lot.”

  I started off, wanting to say that I don’t care, and that I will try to pursue his cousin and allow Glen t
o pursue him. But the more I said, the more I realized we can’t want someone that doesn’t want us. If they want us to leave them alone, that’s what we have to do. What are we going to do, stalk them? Make them take us? No, I’m not that kind of girl. I don’t chase guys. I shake my head. “If it’s better, and clearly what you both want, I have to give that to him. I’ll let Glen know.”

  “Don’t hurt her, Tracey.”

  “Why do you care, as long as she leaves you alone, right?” I walk off, not hearing the remainder of what he’s saying. I just can’t understand why or what he meant by ‘it’s not his place’ to tell me. I don’t care what it is. I just want him. That’s the bad part.

  Glen approaches me as I walk into the lunchroom. “You all were talking for a long time.” She nudges me. “So, tell me what happened. What did he say, and what did you say?”

  I look behind me, seeing Scott standing in the doorway, begging me with his eyes to not tell her. What the hell does he want me to say then?

  “You’re killing me, Tracey, spill.” I look back at her anxious eyes, waiting on my response.

  I lie. “I think he likes you, he just won’t admit it.” She softens. “But every time I brought up your name he turned red, like blushed.” I shrug. “And he doesn’t have a girlfriend,” I add for leverage.

  She smiled, getting a little giddy. “Thank you, Cey. Do you think I should talk to him?”

  “I wouldn’t. I think he is a little shy about you. I would wait until he approaches you.” I don’t know what else to say. I have no details, no part of the conversation, I can share. And I know she’s going to question what took us so long.

  So I change the subject. “Then I ran into Pepper and the followers in the hall.”

  “I know she had something to say about nothing. I don’t even want to hear about her.” She rolls her eyes. The moment she prepares to say something else, the bell rings.

  That bell is always right on time, saving me from whatever that was. I missed all of lunch, messing around with Scott.

  “I’ll meet you in sixth,” I call to her as I walk away. I feel bad about lying, but I couldn’t hurt her, and it was clear that Scott didn’t want me to hurt her either. Once again—this shit is crazy.